Butler 4

Not since the Christmas of '83 when I got the Ewok Village have I had such a epic Christmas. I felt a bit guilty about it but Mom says that this is the first time for years that she has known what I wanted for Christmas so she went all out.

Best things that happened to me during Christmas:

1: Actually going home for it. First time in 3 years or so
2: Getting to hang out with the nephews (as pictured below)
3: Collecting the goods
4: Going to the temple with my little sister
5: Seeing old friends (as pictured below below)


Top adventures while at home:

1: Being paid 500 dollars to get off the plane in Newark, NJ due to it being "over" weight. Me being a perfect candidate because..I'm a giant fatty ... as in obese I collected big time. Later while waiting for my 500 voucher the ramp agents told me they just want to make sure that they were flying safe. I told them that I would hate to have been responsible for the whole plane going down.
1.5: I hope to be able to turn this adventure into a adventure to Stockholm this spring... We'll see (see below)
2: Being pulled over for drunk driving... turns out I drive like an old man
3: Standing on the sidewalk while the Highway Patrol searches my moms car while answering questions with "Yes sir, that's my mom's Tylenol" and my favorite " No Sir, I don't use drugs recreationaly"
4: Riding my new bike in my mom's unfinished basement cuz it was too snowy to take it outside.
5: Seeing National Treasure Book of Secrets. P.S. this movie was excellent. If you liked the first one you'll like this one. If you didn't like the first one you won't like this one. It's just that simple.

Labels: Christmas, Drunk Driving, Stockholm

Can you believe I got a bike for Christmas? It's the envy of Brooklyn. Tim made it in his spare time from vintage parts found on Ebay.Here is the master builder with his piece. Tim surprised me big time with this. He had talked about making me a bike for sometime and he made good on it. I'm looking forward for it to warm up so I can cruise it around town.
Here is a close up. It only has a front brake and one gear. It's just straight tough. Tim even had stickers with my alias 'Jack D. Beare' made and put it on the bike.
Here are some bonus pictures of Mom with Ashley's children. They are pretty amazing. This one is Abe.
Favorite thing about Hank... his pent up range that comes out when face with sharing a won-ton at P.F. Changs. Favorite thing about Abe... his cool demeanor but given the chance he'll bite Hank.

Today was Drews first snowboarding lesson. He did amazingly well. It started to storm, and the temperature dropped, so we had to leave a little early, but it was still a lot of fun! However there was some time left to play in the snow.

So we got good news. We should be getting our computer back this week. I will be connected to the outside world once again. There's nothing like not being able to surf the net to make you feel like a desperate house wife (and not the sluty kind on TV).

Tim and Liz came down this weekend, it was fun. Peter buzzed Hanks head, he looks like he's ready to go into the army, I'll have to have Eric put a picture up.

I'm working and it's boring. Apparently no one wants to have a baby tonight.

Labels: clippers, DHW's

We are getting close to our objective.
Yes! It's the Toys 'R' Us store! Here I am in the window. Geoffery the Giraffe, my alter-ego. Even though he spells his name like a Russian. Which he shouldn't because he is for sure a capitalist.
So you might be thinking? What would take Jeff to the most busiest place in the US to the biggest toy store, at Christmas time? The children of course. I'm doing it for the children. Just look how busy it is in this place.
Yes they have a farris wheel that is three stories tall.
We got the goods and then it was back to work.

Labels: Chicken Dance, Times Sq, Toys

Please read this post on NYCBros to see the tree skirt we made for our tree.

I'm on a train... headed out to Brooklyn. I'm my co-worker Howard (names have been changed to ensure maximum surprise) secret Santa. To fulfill this duty I'm on my way to get a present.

You know it must be a mysterious place because I'm on the New York City subway but I'm above ground.

For half of the subway ride Jeff Mulcock was with me. We discussed politics.
This is a house in Brooklyn. If you look real close at the windows you'll see that someone is doing missionary work.
Here is the new UNIQLO ad campaign. I think it's pretty cute.
Finally I reach my destination. The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company!
In the store they sell super hero supplies as the name denotes. In the back there is a writing tutor and workshop for kids 12-18. The proceeds from the superhero store helps to fund the writing program. Bottom line - it's a lot of fun. Paul Jacobson told me about this store long ago. I've been meaning to go out to it for a while... but it never happened until today.


The Following are some of the supplies that are available for purchase.


One of the best parts of the shopping experience at the superhero supply company is that in to buy the goods you have to repeat The Vow of Heroism. I kid you not... you have to repeat the oath before they will sell you anything.

With the my goal of obtaining the perfect gift for 'Howard' complete I head back to Manhattan. Out of all my trips to Brooklyn... this was one of the best.

Labels: Brooklyn, Secret Santa, Superhero

Look who it is! It's Cousin Karen. Cousin Karen is in town for free. She got flown here and she is being put up in a hotel. Here she is eating Pad Thai with me at a restaurant called The Republic. It's an Asian fusion restaurant that is really hard to listen to other people speak in because the acoustics are really bad. But it sure tastes good. I got the same dish as Karen.
This is Karen's friend that came to New York for free as well. Karen's friend ordered the hardest thing in the restaurant to eat. Basically it was beef on a stick with lettuce. We figured that the best thing to do was to make lettuce/beef/carrot/noodle tacos. Looked good.

Now I know what your all wondering? "Jeff how can I go to New York for free like the above people?" Well first you have to be wronged. So wronged that you want to go to court. Second you have to have a story that will appeal to sick, or unemployed, or lazy people. Karen and company had both of those things!

It all started when Karen's friend bought a dog with a 72 hour return policy. Within 24 hours she figured out that she didn't want the dog. So she took it back. But the dog breeder was being shady. So much so... that Karen's friend got advice from a lawyer. What ending up happening is almost comical. Following the lawyers advice our dear cousin Karen ended up on the porch next to her friend with a tape recorder in her bra. Turns out it's legal to record a conversation in Utah if only one party knows about it.

So the guy has been super shady and has not returned her money and now they are going on The People's Court to collect. Shady guy doesn't know that our dear cousin Karen hid a tape recorder in her bra and they have concrete evidence against him. He's walking into a total litigation nightmare!

So that's the secret. If you want to come to NYC for free you need a reason to go to small claims court. It helps if your case has a combination of puppies, bosoms, hidden tape recorders, and Mormons. That's a sure fire way to get justice on national television (during the daytime).